Am I actually doing this?

When Scott started talking about the foreign service back in February I thought it was just a phase. I thought he had found this really hard test and just wanted to prove that he could pass it.  Even though several months before he had just taken the bar exam, the biggest and scariest test imaginable! I didn’t seriously consider that this might be something that would actually happen. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have to seriously think about it until and IF he passed. When he passed the initial exam I told myself that I didn’t have to take it seriously until he passed the essays. But he kept passing every step with ease and I realized this was probably something that I really needed to consider seriously.

When Scott finished law school our plan was to eventually end up back in Logan. I pictured our kids growing up going to Aggie football and basketball games, living off ice cream cones from Macey’s, and growing up with extended family very close. When taking a job with the foreign service became a reality for us letting go of this picture of the future was very hard for me.  It still is hard for me sometimes. As Scott said in his post I said to him “I feel like I need to mourn the loss of what I thought our future would be”. I really do feel, on a small scale, I’ve been through a grieving process. I will miss living in Logan, I will miss Utah State, I will obviously miss our family. I know that we will miss out on a lot.  I worry about my kids not growing up with extended family close. I could go on and on, there are so many things to be worried, discouraged, and sad about.

However, I feel optimistic about what our new future has to offer. Through reading and talking to people who have taken this career path I have been comforted. Recently, we sat down with a man and his wife who just retired from the foreign service. She had only the most positive things to say about how wonderful it was for her family and her children. I was uplifted by her words and experiences. Through personal and spiritual experience I have felt peace about our decision. I am comforted knowing that I belong to a world-wide church. I know that regardless of where we go we will have the consistency of the gospel in our lives. I have been encouraged by the support of family and friends.

I know that it will be hard, very hard but I also know that it will be so incredibly rewarding. I know that we will miss out on college football and birthday parties but we, our kids included, will get to experience things we never dreamed of. It almost pains me to think of us being away from family. However, the woman we met with told us that we will get to spend a lot more time with family than we think we will. I’m thrilled at the possibility of learning a language and directly experiencing different cultures and people. I have peace and confidence moving forward.

I’m so excited for new experiences but I really, really, REALLY hope we don’t get sent to ___________.  Scott says I can’t put it in writing or it’s guarenteed to happen. You can use your imagination.  I really hope we DO go somewhere where everybody wants to come visit us.  Or at least come visit our baby 🙂

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